Before She Left by Alison R. Solomon

Author:Alison R. Solomon [Solomon, Alison R.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Wild Girl Press
Published: 2020-04-16T22:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty-One

ELLA

For the first few months after Hank started serving time, he refused to see anyone. But one day I got a reverse charge call. He asked if he could put me on his list of permitted visitors. I said yes.

He was never a large man, but when I finally got to see him, he looked like one of the pictures you see of holocaust survivors. His prison issue uniform hung on him loosely and he looked haunted and gaunt. His face had hollowed out so that he no longer had any cheeks, and his eyes looked permanently dazed. He, or they, had shaved his head and it had a light stubble growing on it.

He came toward me and those dead eyes lit up. He put his hands on my waist and kissed me on the cheek. I went to envelope him in a hug, but he pushed away quickly.

“Not allowed,” he mumbled as we sat down at the scuffed table in the windowless visiting room surrounded by crying children, cajoling parents and low-voiced conversations.

For a few moments we just stared at each other. I was lost in memories of how things used to be when he took me roller skating or when I accompanied my parents for a holiday meal at his and Laura’s house. It looked as if he was experiencing the same thing, especially when I saw his face spasm with pain.

“I’m glad to see you,” I said softly. “But why now?”

He raised his eyes and looked directly into mine.

“I remembered something.” His voice was gravely, as if he were no longer used to talking.

“About the murder?”

“Kind of. There was a guy who said he’d help me.”

“Help you kill my parents?”

He shook his head. “After I found out about Laura and your dad, I felt anger like I’d never experienced before.” I knew that. At his sentencing a detective had read the transcript of his initial interview after he was booked. It hadn’t occurred to Hank to wait for a lawyer before he spilled his guts. I was so angry I could’ve wrung her neck. The detective who’d taken the statement read out the words slowly so everyone could hear just how murderous Hank felt. Now I watched this hollowed out man as he continued his story.

“We had such a good life, I couldn’t believe she’d thrown it all away. The rage I felt was overwhelming. I knew I didn’t want to feel that way, so I decided to look for someone to help me with it.”

“A therapist?” He’d never mentioned seeing a psychologist or getting any kind of help before.

He shook his head, the tears welling up in his eyes. “He called himself a wizard, because he said he worked magic, but I guess he was a kind of therapist. I didn’t want the traditional sort of shrink who was going to make me dredge up all my thoughts and feelings. I felt too raw, too exposed. I’d thought Laura and I were happy together. We weren’t that kind of older couple who gradually grow apart.

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